Wednesday, December 23, 2015

December 22, 2015

2 Nephi 7: 6-7

Don't  fear what may come.. . The Lord will help

Monday, December 21, 2015

December 21, 2015

I can't express how much I love Thomas S . Monson. He has given all... everything. .. and will until his last breath for the Lord . I love how all he teaches is for us to be a light and to stand and be an example. It makes me want to push myself to be my best no matter what comes

Sunday, December 20, 2015

December 20, 2015

This makes my trial seem like a grain of sand in the entire ocean... this is another video I do not have to say anything... it says it all. And I know after you watch this you know exactly how I am feeling. I am grateful for messages like this, that can touch our hearts so deeply, turn our fear into hope, and our doubt into faith! I am so grateful for the Savior and I know that every trial will be but a small moment.

Saturday, December 19, 2015

December 19, 2015

(Just a thought)

Listening to this song called Baptism I thought how incredible it is that through baptism we can become fresh and clean... "new" just like this perfect little leaf. I also thought of the Atonement of Christ... we all make mistakes... some big and some small but non the less we need to become clean again... and also like this new leaf every Spring it comes out just as beautiful and just as clean.. So can we through the incredible love that our Savior had and has for each of us imperfect people! We just have to have the courage to do it! I am so grateful that each week I can start over by taking the sacrament and I can try again. I am so grateful that you are a person that never gives up on them self. I love you so much!

Friday, December 18, 2015

December 18, 2015

“Happiness is the object and design of our existence; and will be the end thereof, if we pursue the path that leads to it; and this path is virtue, uprightness, faithfulness, holiness, and keeping all the commandments of God.” 

“Whatever God requires is right, no matter what it is, although we may not see the reason there of until all of the events transpire.” 

“For he that diligently seeketh shall find; and the mysteries of God shall be unfolded unto them, by the power of the Holy Ghost, as well in these times as in times of old as in times to come; wherefore, the course of the Lord is one eternal round" - 1 Nephi 10:19” 

“When God commands, do it! ” 

“We say that God is true; that the Constitution of the United States is true; that the Bible is true; and that the Book of Mormon is true, and that Christ is true” 

“The Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.” 

“God judges men according to the use they make of the light which He gives them.”

“Never give up an old tried friend, who has waded through all manner of toil, for your sake, and throw him away because fools may tell you he has some faults.” 

“Stand Fast Through the Storms of Life."

"You will have all kinds of trials to pass through. And it is quite as necessary for you to be tried as it was for Abraham and other men of God... God will feel after you, and He will take hold of you and wrench your very heart strings and if you cannot stand it you will not be fit for an inheritance in the Celestial kingdom of God" 

Thursday, December 17, 2015

December 17, 2015

(This is a journal entry I had when I was pregnant with Paige)

 So I was driving to the hospital on yesterday... And I was pretty certain I was going to finally... for real be going into labor... As I was driving heart racing with desperation this song came on the radio...

 I sat there bawling as I listened. I thought this is my answer.... I finally have waited long enough. As I was walking in the hospital trying and praying my heart out to progress I felt like Heavenly Father was finally going to answer my prayers and help me not have to endure this anymore... and I got sent home. What is going on? I didn't feel frustrated I felt seriously heart broken. I was so sad... Which may seem so childish. .... I came home and tried my hardest to just take my mind away from what happened. Later that night I looked I listened to this song again and I felt very different than when in the car. I felt like I could do this... again... Heavenly Father may not take away our pain, sadness, heart aches... it may take thousands of sleepless nights, hundreds of tears, but I believe I am going to learn something so important through this hard time... maybe in years to come, but I will understand one day. As the song says our trials are his mercies in disguise. I never thought of them in that way.  I am grateful I heard this today... It is one of the hundred things my Heavenly Father has given me through this hard time to let me know he is still here.

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

December 16, 2015

(This happened a few years ago in Oregon)

So I have been having an interesting time lately ... hahah to say the least. I shared my thoughts with Monkey... well more like told him I was packing up and moving to Utah and he can join me when he is done with this madness. So I wasn't handling things very well one evening. Anyways I left and went on splits with the sister missionaries and when I got back Monkey had written me a blog. And shared a couple videos... this video really touched me.

As I finished watching it with tears rolling down my cheeks I thought, You know sometimes we prepare ourselves to make it through life. Like this man who prepared physically to win this race. But sometimes trials happen and we have to be willing and determined- no matter the pain- to keep going. And when we don't give up Heavenly Father or Jesus Christ bust through just like this man's father and helps us make it through. The pain and difficulty doesn't leave but with Christ's help we are able to continue... Until the end, when Christ lets us go and finish the race ourselves.

I am so grateful Monkey shared this with me. It gave me such a boost to keep walking even though at times I feel like I have had enough. I am so grateful for my Savior who through hard times helps carry us through.

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

December 15, 2015

Oh man I don't have words for this one... Brings me back down to earth! Love you J!

Monday, December 14, 2015

Decemeber 14, 2015

(This talk is much better when listened to from Elder Ucthdorf!)

My beloved sisters and dear friends, I am delighted to be with you today, and I am grateful to be in the presence of our dear prophet, President Thomas S. Monson. President, we love you. We are saddened by the loss of our three precious friends and true Apostles of the Lord. We miss President Packer, Elder Perry, and Elder Scott; we love them. We pray for their families and friends.
I always look forward to this session of conference—the beautiful music and the counsel from our inspired sisters bring the Spirit in great abundance. I am a better person after being in your company.
As I pondered what I should say to you today, my thoughts turned to the way the Savior taught. It is interesting how He was able to teach the most sublime truths using simple stories. His parables invited His disciples to embrace truths not just with their minds but also with their hearts and to connect eternal principles with their everyday lives.1 Our dear President Monson is also a master at teaching with personal experiences that touch the heart.2
Today, I too will give my message by expressing my thoughts and feelings in the form of a story. I invite you to listen with the Spirit. The Holy Ghost will help you to find the message for you in this parable.

Great-Aunt Rose

The story is about a girl named Eva. There are two important things you should know about Eva. One is that she was 11 years old in this story. And the other is that she absolutely, positively did not want to go and live with her great-aunt Rose. Not at all. No way.
But Eva’s mother was going to have surgery that required a lengthy recovery. So Eva’s parents were sending her to spend the summer with Great-Aunt Rose.
In Eva’s mind, there were a thousand reasons why this was a bad idea. For one thing, it would mean being away from her mother. It would also mean leaving her family and friends. And besides, she didn’t even know Great-Aunt Rose. She was quite comfortable, thank you very much, right where she was.
But no amount of arguing or eye-rolling could change the decision. So Eva packed up a suitcase and took the long drive with her father to Great-Aunt Rose’s house.
From the moment Eva stepped inside the house, she hated it.
Everything was so old! Every inch was packed with old books, strange-colored bottles, and plastic bins spilling over with beads, bows, and buttons.
Great-Aunt Rose lived there alone; she had never married. The only other inhabitant was a gray cat who liked to find the highest point in every room and perch there, staring like a hungry tiger at everything below.
Even the house itself seemed lonely. It was out in the countryside, where the houses are far apart. No one Eva’s age lived within half a mile. That made Eva feel lonely too.
At first she didn’t pay much attention to Great-Aunt Rose. She mostly thought about her mother. Sometimes, she would stay awake at night, praying with all her soul that her mother would be well. And though it didn’t happen right away, Eva began to feel that God was watching over her mother.
Word finally came that the operation was a success, and now all that was left for Eva to do was to endure till the end of summer. But oh, how she hated enduring!
With her mind now at ease about her mother, Eva began to notice Great-Aunt Rose a little more. She was a large woman—everything about her was large: her voice, her smile, her personality. It wasn’t easy for her to get around, but she always sang and laughed while she worked, and the sound of her laughter filled the house. Every night she sat down on her overstuffed sofa, pulled out her scriptures, and read out loud. And as she read, she sometimes made comments like “Oh, he shouldn’t have done that!” or “What wouldn’t I give to have been there!” or “Isn’t that the most beautiful thing you’ve ever heard!” And every evening as the two of them knelt by Eva’s bed to pray, Great-Aunt Rose would say the most beautiful prayers, thanking her Heavenly Father for the blue jays and the spruce trees, the sunsets and the stars, and the “wonder of being alive.” It sounded to Eva as though Rose knew God as a friend.
Over time, Eva made a surprising discovery: Great-Aunt Rose was quite possibly the happiest person she had ever known!
But how could that be?
What did she have to be happy about?
She had never married, she had no children, she had no one to keep her company except that creepy cat, and she had a hard time doing simple things like tying her shoes and walking up stairs.
When she went to town, she wore embarrassingly big, bright hats. But people didn’t laugh at her. Instead, they crowded around her, wanting to talk to her. Rose had been a schoolteacher, and it wasn’t uncommon for former students—now grown up with children of their own—to stop and chat. They thanked her for being a good influence in their lives. They often laughed. Sometimes they even cried.
As the summer progressed, Eva spent more and more time with Rose. They went on long walks, and Eva learned the difference between sparrows and finches. She picked wild elderberries and made marmalade from oranges. She learned about her great-great-grandmother who left her beloved homeland, sailed across an ocean, and walked across the plains to be with the Saints.
Soon Eva made another startling discovery: not only was Great-Aunt Rose one of the happiest persons she knew, but Eva herself was happier whenever she was around her.
The days of summer were passing more quickly now. Before Eva knew it, Great-Aunt Rose said it would soon be time for Eva to return home. Though Eva had been looking forward to that moment since the day she arrived, she wasn’t quite sure how to feel about it now. She realized she was actually going to miss this strange old house with the stalker cat and her beloved great-aunt Rose.
The day before her father arrived to pick her up, Eva asked the question she had been wondering about for weeks: “Aunt Rose, why are you so happy?”
Aunt Rose looked at her carefully and then guided her to a painting that hung in the front room. It had been a gift from a talented dear friend.
“What do you see there?” she asked.
Eva had noticed the painting before, but she hadn’t really looked at it closely. A girl in pioneer dress skipped along a bright blue path. The grass and trees were a vibrant green. Eva said, “It’s a painting of a girl. Looks like she’s skipping.”
“Yes, it is a pioneer girl skipping along happily,” Aunt Rose said. “I imagine there were many dark and dreary days for the pioneers. Their life was so hard—we can’t even imagine. But in this painting, everything is bright and hopeful. This girl has a spring in her step, and she is moving forward and upward.”
Eva was silent, so Great-Aunt Rose continued: “There is enough that doesn’t go right in life, so anyone can work themselves into a puddle of pessimism and a mess of melancholy. But I know people who, even when things don’t work out, focus on the wonders and miracles of life. These folks are the happiest people I know.”
“But,” Eva said, “you can’t just flip a switch and go from sad to happy.”
“No, perhaps not,” Aunt Rose smiled gently, “but God didn’t design us to be sad. He created us to have joy!3 So if we trust Him, He will help us to notice the good, bright, hopeful things of life. And sure enough, the world will become brighter. No, it doesn’t happen instantly, but honestly, how many good things do? Seems to me that the best things, like homemade bread or orange marmalade, take patience and work.”
Eva thought about it a moment and said, “Maybe it’s not so simple for people who don’t have everything perfect in their lives.”
“Dear Eva, do you really think that my life is perfect?” Aunt Rose sat with Eva on the overstuffed sofa. “There was a time when I was so discouraged I didn’t want to go on.”
“You?” Eva asked.
Aunt Rose nodded. “There were so many things I wished for in my life.” As she spoke, a sadness entered her voice that Eva had never heard before. “Most of them never happened. It was one heartbreak after another. One day I realized that it would never be the way I had hoped for. That was a depressing day. I was ready to give up and be miserable.”
“So what did you do?”
“Nothing for a time. I was just angry. I was an absolute monster to be around.” Then she laughed a little, but it was not her usual big, room-filling laugh. “‘It’s not fair’ was the song I sang over and over in my head. But eventually I discovered something that turned my whole life around.”
“What was it?”
“Faith,” Aunt Rose smiled. “I discovered faith. And faith led to hope. And faith and hope gave me confidence that one day everything would make sense, that because of the Savior, all the wrongs would be made right. After that, I saw that the path before me wasn’t as dreary and dusty as I had thought. I began to notice the bright blues, the verdant greens, and the fiery reds, and I decided I had a choice—I could hang my head and drag my feet on the dusty road of self-pity, or I could have a little faith, put on a bright dress, slip on my dancing shoes, and skip down the path of life, singing as I went.” Now her voice was skipping along like the girl in the painting.
Aunt Rose reached over to the end table and pulled her well-worn scriptures onto her lap. “I don’t think I was clinically depressed—I’m not sure you can talk yourself out of that. But I sure had talked myself into being miserable! Yes, I had some dark days, but all my brooding and worrying wasn’t going to change that—it was only making things worse. Faith in the Savior taught me that no matter what happened in the past, my story could have a happy ending.”
“How do you know that?” Eva asked.
Aunt Rose turned a page in her Bible and said, “It says it right here:
“‘God … will dwell with them, and they shall be his people, and God himself shall be with them, and be their God.
“‘And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.’”4
Great-Aunt Rose looked at Eva. Her smile was wide as she whispered, with a slight quiver in her voice, “Isn’t that the most beautiful thing you’ve ever heard?”
It really did sound beautiful, Eva thought.
Aunt Rose turned a few pages and pointed to a verse for Eva to read: “Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.”5
“With such a glorious future,” Aunt Rose said, “why get swallowed up in past or present things that don’t go quite the way we planned?”
Eva furrowed her brow. “But wait a minute,” she said. “Are you saying that being happy means just looking forward to happiness in the future? Is all our happiness in eternity? Can’t some of it happen now?”
“Oh, of course it can!” Aunt Rose exclaimed. “Dear child, now is part of eternity. It doesn’t only begin after we die! Faith and hope will open your eyes to the happiness that is placed before you.
“I know a poem that says, ‘Forever—is composed of Nows.’6 I didn’t want my forever to be composed of dark and fearful ‘Nows.’ And I didn’t want to live in the gloom of a bunker, gritting my teeth, closing my eyes, and resentfully enduring to the bitter end. Faith gave me the hope I needed to live joyfully now!”
“So what did you do then?” Eva asked.
“I exercised faith in God’s promises by filling my life with meaningful things. I went to school. I got an education. That led me to a career that I loved.”
Eva thought about this for a moment and said, “But surely being busy isn’t what made you happy. There are a lot of busy people who aren’t happy.”
“How can you be so wise for someone so young?” Aunt Rose asked. “You’re absolutely right. And most of those busy, unhappy people have forgotten the one thing that matters most in all the world—the thing Jesus said is the heart of His gospel.”
“And what is that?” Eva asked.
“It is love—the pure love of Christ,” Rose said. “You see, everything else in the gospel—all the shoulds and the musts and the thou shalts —lead to love. When we love God, we want to serve Him. We want to be like Him. When we love our neighbors, we stop thinking so much about our own problems and help others to solve theirs.”7
“And that is what makes us happy?” Eva asked.
Great-Aunt Rose nodded and smiled, her eyes filling with tears. “Yes, my dear. That is what makes us happy.”

Never the Same

The next day Eva hugged her great-aunt Rose and thanked her for everything she had done. She returned home to her family and her friends and her house and her neighborhood.
But she was never quite the same.
As Eva grew older, she often thought of the words of her great-aunt Rose. Eva eventually married, raised children, and lived a long and wonderful life.
And one day, as she was standing in her own home, admiring a painting of a girl in pioneer dress skipping down a bright blue path, she realized that somehow she had reached the same age her great-aunt Rose was during that remarkable summer.
When she realized this, she felt a special prayer swell within her heart. And Eva felt grateful for her life, for her family, for the restored gospel of Jesus Christ, and for that summer so long ago when Great-Aunt Rose8 taught her about faith, hope, and love.9

A Blessing

My beloved sisters, my dear friends in Christ, I hope and pray that something in this story has touched your heart and inspired your soul. I know that God lives and that He loves each and every one of you.
As you walk along your own bright path of discipleship, I pray that faith will fortify every footstep along your way; that hope will open your eyes to the glories Heavenly Father has in store for you; and that love for God and all His children will fill your hearts. As an Apostle of the Lord, I leave this as my testimony and blessing in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

I loved this talk.... We can be happy by "—the pure love of Christ,” Rose said. “You see, everything else in the gospel—all the shoulds and the musts and the thou shalts —lead to love. When we love God, we want to serve Him. We want to be like Him. When we love our neighbors, we stop thinking so much about our own problems and help others to solve theirs.”

Sunday, December 13, 2015

December 13, 2015

One day when I was feeling very sorry for myself... I happen to watch this little video...

I am guessing after watching it yourself you probably could guess how I felt.... I decided I needed to forget about myself and remember -the who knows how many- other people who are probably more grateful than I was being and have so much less. I felt how important it was to think of others.

Saturday, December 12, 2015

December 12, 2015

This top video is very powerful....

(If you have the time to listen) Elder Eyring's talk that went with the other video has helped me through so many things. especially with my postpartum stuff.  His words are incredible and completely true.

Friday, December 11, 2015

December 11, 2015

My husbands best room mate from college who he is very close with called him just called the other night and told Oliver that he is gay. Oliver was totally fine and we all talked for a long time... The whole night we couldn't stop thinking about it. He was sad because our friend has been on a mission and loves church. He never accepted anyone not going! Now he is questioning whether or not he should be actively gay and leave the church or try to live with how he feels and try his best to stay with his faith. This friend expressed how he has tried so long to overcome being gay. He told us how he can't understand why he was given something so unfair. It was heart breaking for us.... especially for my husband. He loves his friend a lot! He also knows what Heavenly Father has said.

The next day for family home evening we watched this video.... Then after he prayed and wrote his friend a letter. This is what he wrote


I hope that you are doing ok today. I first wanted to thank you for calling Mamie and me the other day, I'm really glad that you did. I had a few thoughts bouncing around in my head, and I felt like maybe some of them would be good to share with you. I'm not really the preachy type so I hope this doesn't come out too weird hahaha ;-). Yesterday for Family Home Evening we showed the kids the Bible video of Christ suffering in Gethsemane ( and for some reason it really hit me at that time how He suffered for ALL of the pains and trials that we go through in this life, just like it says in Alma 7:12, including (and maybe even especially) what you are/have been going through. I've always known that, but for some reason it really struck me that he can help us because He knows exactly what we are going through, even when no one else in the world does. There is no limit to the power of the Atonement.

It also hit me at the same time that even though He will comfort and strengthen us, He still doesn't take our burdens away. When I watched the part where Christ was asking His Father in Heaven to take the cup from Him if possible, I realized a little be better why God didn't take it away. He sent an angel to comfort and help, but Christ had to suffer that pain, even though it was unbearable, because God could not take that pain away without destroying the whole Plan of Salvation. I realized that if we are to become like our Savior, we need to experience what He did, at least in a very small part, and if He took all of our pain away, it might ruin our part in that great Plan. I thought about what Elder Holland has said: "We are The Church of Jesus Christ, this is the truth, and He is our Great Eternal Head. How could we believe it would be easy for us when it was never, ever easy for Him? It seems to me that [we] have to spend at least a few moments in Gethsemane. [we] have to take at least a step or two toward the summit of Calvary.  Now, please don’t misunderstand. I’m not talking about anything anywhere near what Christ experienced. That would be presumptuous and sacrilegious. But I believe that [for us], to come to the truth, to come to salvation, to know something of this price that has been paid, will have to pay a token of that same price.  For that reason I don’t believe missionary work has ever been easy, nor that conversion is, nor that retention is, nor that continued faithfulness is. I believe it is supposed to require some effort, something from the depths of our soul.  If He could come forward in the night, kneel down, fall on His face, bleed from every pore, and cry, “Abba, Father (Papa), if this cup can pass, let it pass,” then little wonder that salvation is not an easy thing for us." I think I am now able to understand a little better why we have to suffer the things that we do.

I've also been thinking a lot about how unfair it is that you have to go through something so hard that most of us will never experience. And it's true, I honestly can't say that I know the pain and the heartache that this has caused you, and it's not because of anything that you have done wrong. It isn't fair. But the more I've thought about it, the more I've realized that you are in good company. It wasn't fair for the Savior to suffer for things that He didn't do. It wasn't his fault, but He did suffer for it, and because of it He was glorified beyond all description, and we can be too if we just endure. It made me remember what Elder Wirthlin taught when he said: "The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude. One of the blessings of the gospel is the knowledge that when the curtain of death signals the end of our mortal lives, life will continue on the other side of the veil. There we will be given new opportunities. Not even death can take from us the eternal blessings promised by a loving Heavenly Father. Because Heavenly Father is merciful, a principle of compensation prevails." This has also been of great comfort to me because we have had a crazy year too.  While I still don't understand everything, this has really given me great peace, and I know that all of the injustices of this world, large and small, will be more than compensated for by a merciful and loving Father in Heaven.

The other impression that I have had as I have been thinking about this (man, that's a lot of thinking for me...I'm not use to that, hopefully my brain can handle it ;-)) is that 2 Nephi 2:25 (the "men are that they might have joy" scripture) applies just as much to you as it does to any one of us-not only in the eternities but also in this life. Like I said before, the Atonement is infinite, and if it has the power to save us it also has the power to help us overcome our darkest days and help us find so much joy and happiness as we experience this roller coaster of a ride known as mortality.

I really hope that you can reconcile your testimony with your same sex attraction (is that even the right term to use? I'm new at this stuff hahaha) and remain an active Latter-day Saint. Obviously, you know much better then me that it will require a lot of sacrifices that most of us don't have to make, but I believe that this Gospel is true, I feel it in the deepest parts of my soul. And I believe that it is only in the Gospel that God's priesthood authority lies, the ordinances of Salvation can be performed, and that ultimately, for all of us, no matter what our circumstances are or challenges that we have to face, it is within the Gospel that we will experience our greatest happiness. 
 I also really do hope that you know that no matter what choice you make, I will always be here for you. I won't judge you and you will always be welcome in my home. And I promise that I will always be just as bad at keeping in contact with you as I always have been, nothing will change that ;-). Once again, I am really glad that you felt comfortable enough to tell me, and I hope that you have been having a great day. Let me know if you ever need anything and know that I am always here for you

Thursday, December 10, 2015

December 10, 2015

Dear Bestest Friend for Life,
         I decided one day as I was sitting there of how much I love that we are still best friends! Also, how no matter where our lives have taken us we are still there for each other - like time has never past. I love how we have shared our thoughts and I want to continue that in a different way! So here is to you my beautiful friend.... This blog will be full of things that inspire me or have helped me through my dark times- times where I have felt like why?? Why does bad stuff happen?? Why?? Or times where I felt like giving up... Christ has always been there... no matter how low I get. So I wanted to share with you things that have touched my very soul! I love you!

This song is called Redeemer. It was by my most favorite artist of all times Paul Cardall. I got to go to his concert and her this live. One day we need to go together...

When Paige was in the hospital last year for pneumonia and I was very fearful that I may loose her.... I listened to this song. I felt immense peace. I felt as though Christ were there holding my hand. I didn't know if it was going to be ok or even if Paige was going to make it. But the peace I felt- honestly surpassed my understanding. I know that my Redeemer lives.